26
May
08

Middle Aged Crazy- The B-52’s On The Today Show

Fuck. I really am getting old. 

Check this out. 

That was then:

Sigh.  Ok, this is now:

Disheartening, isn’t it?  Well, lucky for you, valued viewer, the above recent photo is 1000 light years nicer than this atrocity taken a few years back at what appears to be some sort of seniors office party (perhaps it was an AARP benefit of some sort? )

Holy Mary, Mother Of Jesus, that is painful. Kudos to Kate however for pulling off a look that is simultaneously appropriate for the office, a Gratetful Dead show, or converted into a sassy float for Gay Pride.  Fierce!

Wanna be even more depressed? take a look of this shot of my childhood heroine Debbie Harry with Kate Pierson, and some old guy. I’m not sure what they are doing or why the photo was taken. I’m assuming they were just hanging together, growing older, and griping about shit, cause that’s what old people do.

If you ran into these guys would you suspect they were iconoclastic rock gods who made cutting edge music that defined the punk generation? I’m thinking more like Aunts Deb and Kathy and Uncle Joe got themselves lost and are desperately seeking the comforts of the closest Luby’s Cafeteria. 

The look in Debbie’s eyes scream: Where is my Glucerna? Who the fuck took my Glucerna? And could somebody just help a lady with a Poise pad here? 

I guess it had to happen. Getting old, that is. I just didn’t think it would happen NOW, or I guess really what I’m trying say is- I didn’t think that NOW (being 20 years later) would happen so damn fast. I didn’t expect for it to creep up on me like this, yet simultaneously broadside my ass. Well, actually, I can see why my ass got broadsided. It’s because MY ASS IS SO FUCKING BROAD!!!!

I really need to stop watching the Today Show, each time I do, I become more and more embarrassed to be human. Last week it was the New Kids On The Block reunion. WTF??? Really people? Seriously????  Why????? I mean, who…WHO??? gave the green light on that one? Who got up that morning and decided THAT is what society needed that day…as a counterbalance to all the war, poverty, disease and destruction and the ongoing perpetual erosion of Western Civilation…we needed more New Kids. No, not more cowbell! We need more NEW KIDS! Are you fucking serious??? Who could let this go on at any level and hold a straight face? You mean to tell me that Matt Lauer didn’t bust out to a producer and say, “Gimee a fucking break? these Kids aren’t NEW!! They’re old!! And washed up!!! And sucked balls when they were New! How much ass must they blow now that they are fatter,slower, and their joints creak?”

To me it was just more proof that a Satan exists, and he is fucking having the belly laugh of his life. Why anyone would want to see the lamest, gayest musical act of the late 20th century 20 years later in its paunchy manopause, gasping out the most musically retarded lyrics while executing dance moves with the ease and agility of neighborhood dads Sweatin’ To The Oldies with Richard Simmons. What was worse was the pathetic legion of women who appeared to be my age,  happily boppin’ in the audience to “Hangin’Tough”.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

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