24
Mar
10

Another swig of Kate Haterade…I can’t help it, it’s just so thirst quenching and refreshing!

I don’t know why, but I can’t stop thinking up new ways Kate Gosselin could be making a decent living for her family that doesn’t involve her desperately flinging herself at the american public like an attention-crazed bint begging for approval. I think I may have just unearthed a secret talent I wasn’t aware that existed. I think perhaps I should offer to provide career counseling and public relations counseling for Ms. Gosselin. I’d do it for free though…after all, she is the struggling single mother of 8. I could probably even use it as a tax write off as a charitable contribution.

Not to mention I would have the feeling of joy and contentment that comes only with helping out your fellow man in need, and providing a much needed public service. We must all do our part in minimizing exposure to painful and demeaning poor choices made by Jon and Kate Gosselin. It’s as vital to our personal and environmental health as eliminating pesticides and protecting our water and food supply from toxins. Raw and unfiltered Gosselin has been proven to be highly toxic to our brains and psyches, causing metaphorical mental bleeding and lesions to the soul that are crippling and in some cases, lethal.

I just don’t understand why Kate is more focused on infamy, and the shallow glory of being famous just for being famous, rather than parlaying the benefits of her newly aquired status to good use by projecting herself as a positive role model and champion of single motherhood, importance of family and the health and proper care of children? And why the hell is she always being reported as traipsing around with this repulsive arrogance and unfounded self-importance? Did she start stealing her kid’s cough medicine  and sipping on the side? Did she look in the mirror one day and see J-Lo staring back at her? Did she forget her show was just a little “different” than the Real Housewives of …Anywhere? Stop smoking the Swarovski Kate, and drop the diva drama. Not attractive.

Kate, did you ever think about, since you just “have to travel”, going on the public speaking circuit talking to women about your story, confronting the difficulties with marriage and raising multiple children, but using your story to inspire women who are struggling with similar issues, providing them some hope and encouragement? I know, it’s kinda white-bread, but it would do far more to elevate your image as a devoted mother and set a much better example for her children. Plus, she could rake in big bucks for a single appearance! Like 30K for 1 hour. Tell me that won’t buy enough chicken and spaghettios for the crew. Look at what a cash cow Sarah Palin has become, just by being a speaker and commentator? And regardless if you thing she’s a loney tune or wingnut, you have to admit she does seem a bit more genuinely devoted to her family. You don’t see her shimmying her little political agenda in the faces of americans live Mondays and Tuesdays 8/7c on ABC. And I bet it’s not even because Fox would have a fit.

She could do televised play dates with other celebrity kids. Wouldn’t that be fun? A day at Disneyland with the Brangelina clan? Now we’re talking about ratings! And association with Angelina will make her look like a saint, just like her, cleverly masking the stench of psychosis and self-adulation that simmers quietly beneath the surface. Surefire win-win for all.

Another option- team up for a day of fun at The Neverland Ranch with the Jackson kids. Sure, the rides may be closed down, but I’m sure there’s plenty of mischief and shennanigans to delight and occupy the children, especially with those fun stun guns they like to play with. And since Kate’s pretty comfortable with lax supervision, the nanny can watch them while Kate spends time with Kathryn and Joe Jackson getting valuable advice on safe and loving ways to raise happy ,well-adjusted chil dren.

She could also come up with some swell ideas on turning the children into a family act. That would be a great way to keep the family together while maximizing market potential. She could even throw in an Osmond-esque twist and adopt Mormonism. Not only would she have a sassy, wholesome entertainment family, Jon could return to the marriage while satisfying his need for variety by engaging in polygamy! Now we’re cooking with gas!

Or she could always join the Church of Scientology . Again, family-friendly, and she could afford the protection of the church, get a hell of a media bump by hanging out with Tom Cruise, the kids would get a fun new dolly with little Suri, and she’d be guaranteed some plum cameo appearances in Cruise and Travolta projects, and maybe even a guest spot on Kirstie Alley’s new show.

Why doesn’t she partner up with Octo-Mom? Apparently she needs some money too,going into foreclosure and all. Two media whores and 16 kids? What a taste sensation that would be! Better than a Magic Bullet, the possibilities are endless.

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