Funny How I can Never Think About Anything To Write When I Force Myself To Blog

Ok, so I have decided to commit myself to blogging about something and completing at least one post per day.

Of course, when I force myself to do anything, all inspiration flees from my brain, and I just stare at the blank page like Helen Keller after a severe brain injury.

So…now that I have to write, what will I write about today? Hmm. Let’s see. What has been most prevalent on my mind? The Osama Bin Laden hoax? The decline of the American dollar? The world potentially ending in a few days? No…although all of these things have been weighing heavily on my mind and causing me extreme anxiety, I can’t say that these are the thoughts that have been ruminating in my mind with the most frequency.

What I have been obsessing about the most lately is kinda embarrassing. No, it’s not my increasing incontenence. Or my superflous nipple. Or even pornography.

It’s salami. Yes, you heard me, salami. And no, this isn’t some thinly veiled euphamism for penis. I’m really talking about salami, as in the genoa kind. Well, cured meats of all kinds really. Proscuitto, soprasetta, coppa, finocchiona, mortadella, pancetta, (ohhhh…pancetta!) breaseola…the list goes on and on. My new favoite is a varity from Volpi, their Pinot Grigio salami, which is a delectible salami flavored with…you guessed it…pinot grigio. They also make chianti and rose flavors as well, all of which are lovely, but not as delectable as the pinot grigio. Columbus makes wine-infused versions as well, but the flavors tend to be more overpowering and cloying than the Volpi, particularly the cabernet. If left to my own devices, I can easily devour an entire 8oz. log in one sitting. And no, despite what you may think, I don’t just graw on it and try to suck out the alcohol in a pathetic attempt to get a buzz. Well, ok, I did once, but found out it didn’t work, and only gave myself heartburn.

I have been eating salami or another luscious cured meat witha small loaf of crusty french bread every single day for the past…I don’t know…few weeks? I think I need an intervention. Do you know how expensive of a habit this has become? Damnit, I knew it would be cheaper if I just became a smoker.

Fortunately, I have not gained any weight as of yet. But if I keep this up, I’m going to need an angioplasty in no time.

Here is a picture of my favorite salami…doesn’t it just look scrumptious? I mean, you can’t really see it because of the packaging, but I can assure you, it is a very beautiful and enticing sausage indeed.

Well, all this talk of sausage has made me hungry, so I guess I’m gonna head up to Whore Foods now for my daily fix. DO NOT JUDGE ME PEOPLE!

What are some of your favorite cured meats? Please, write in with your comments, I would love to live vicariously through your descriptions. Also, feel free to send me samples. And remember salami gift baskets make a fine gift, no matter what time of year. Hickory Farms gift cards are also acceptable and appreciated. Grazi!

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