Archive for the 'comedy' Category

31
Dec
11

I just realized

**a good number of my blog posts are about me bitching about not blogging**

Time to change that.

I will no longer start each new post whining about how regretful I feel that I haven’t been blogging regularly. I will now just blog. About. Whatever.

Which is sort of how I roll anyways.

Or, I will not blog at all.

Which will pretty much speak for itself.

There. I am empowered.

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28
Dec
11

so much for that last idea

I should know anytime I put myself out there with some sort of “commitment” of  writing something, it’s pretty much a nail in the coffin for whatever bright idea it was I had.    

In this case it was my !new and improved! hard-hitting and edgy! gritty and REAL! recovery blog. My initial idea was to check in on a daily basis for the first year of my recovery and detail every horribly uncomfortable white-knuckle moment with searing truth and RAW, stripped down emotion.  

The only problem is…is that right now, I have no emotion.  For the past two weeks I have been as dull and flat as I was when I was an awkward prepubescent. Ok, bad analogy. But flat. Flat is accurate. It’s not even depression, I don’t think. I’m not sad. I just don’t give a shit. About anything.

At least when I was drunk, I felt something…even if it was stupid, and like shit.

I think the term is anhedonia. It would be a pretty name, Anhedonia. But not with my last name. Anhedonia Lee is just stupid. Anyways, it’s sort of  like being the walking dead.

It’s the awful kind of grumpy-funk that makes hours of semi-catatonic head-nodding to Foster The People the most thrilling part of of my day. Yes, Foster The People. I know. I should be shot. The Gigamesh mix of that daffy song is pretty festive, I must say.  I hope secretly I’m not planning some Virginia Tech kinda freak-out massacre. Nah. I’m just sadly enjoying really really awful music. I am old and way past my peak freshness.

29
Dec
10

What the hell why not?

I have nothing better to do. Perhaps its time to drag the ol blog back out.  Then I will play with it for about 10 minutes before I get bored…but in the meantime, I thought I may as well utilize it to post random crap and musings about the pathetic waste of time 2010 turned out to be, as well as document my new goals and visions for 2011. This should prove to be at least lightly entertaining, especially as we all know I won’t achieve any of them anyways. But man, was it fun thinking about all the great things I could be.

To celebrate my newfound spurt of quasi-productive energy, I thought I would post for you all a picture of my favorite motivational guru, as it was this person who inspired me to get off my lazy ass and do something with my computer time that did not involve gay porn, online mah-jong, or endless hours of Y&R episodes on hulu. You might think it’s Oprah, Dr. Phil or Dr. Oz, or maybe even Tony Robbins, but it’s not.  It’s this handsome guy right here.You know him, and I think you love him too.

14
Apr
10

Apologies!

Hey everyone-

I have really missed the opportunity to post anything much lately, as I have been the busiest little bee this past week traveling to LA and getting settled in. I don’t think I actually posted it on this blog, but I am going to be out here for at least the next six weeks, possibly through the summer…and if I become as intoxicated by the city as Randy Newman, I may be lovin’ it enough to stay even longer. I am here helping my longtime friend Alejandra out with fantastic new Mexican grill , Santito’s On Melrose, while her regular manager is out having surgery. I will be assisting her with the daily operations, some marketing and PR, and delighting her customers with my charm, humor, and laughably unfortunate inability to run a cash register without coming off as just a touch brain-damaged. Hey, it’s been like 13 years! Do you know how small those damn buttons are?  And they’re like 1000 of them, one for every freaking item, side, drink, for here, to go go, delivery, no guac, add cheese, extra sour cream, would you like a handjob with that for only $1.00 more? Excellente!

Equally amusing is my inability to communicate with Senora Ava, who is as sweet as Mexican coke, and so adorable…and would be even more so if I could understand espanol. She works next to me running and finishing up the orders, and I’m supposed to assist her, but when she asks me to do something I just freeze like a retard and stand there like a deer in the headlights because I have absolutely no friggin clue what the hell she is saying. And she stares back at me waving forks and salsas screaming something repetitively in spanish that must only mean, “Stupid Gringa! Faster! Faster! No Bueno!”

I just want to go stand in the corner and punish myself by dousing my eyes with Diablo Sauce.

Anyone out there in the Hollywood area really should come by and catch me performing daily as the delightfully goofy token gringa with really poor eye-hand coordination at the new Santito’s on Melrose. You’ll get a tasty torta with a generous side of Lucille Ball. Delicioso!

I will attempt to post more frequently, unless maimed by an accidental run-in with a deep-fryer or something. Please keep checking back!




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