Archive for the 'childhood' Category

22
Nov
11

I was going to create a new blog, but I am lazy. The LeDonna Lounge has lost it’s liquor license and I had to shut down the opium den. Now it’s tea and Tchaikovsky for this party animal

Hi. My name is LeDonna. I am an alcoholic/addict.

There. I said it, publicly. Well I say it in public already, but in social networking terms.

**sigh** It pains me, but it’s time to come out of the closet.  No, I’m not gay, at least not today. I am referring to accepting and admitting that I have a monkey on my back. (He’s kinda cute though he’s one of those blue-assed baboons you see at the zoo and on the Discovery Channel)

As if no one really knew, right? Spoiler Alert! LeDonna is a batshit crazy alcoholic and drug fiend. (I know, it’s such a surprise, I was always so together and level-headed) I have been for, sadly, most of my life. From the day I started to produce those crazy hormones, I have been addicted to: Something.  I think it started out as food, then sex, then alcohol, then theft, then drugs. Surprisingly never smoking cigarettes, thank God because I can’t even begin to fathom the cost of that beast. Not to mention if I smoked the same way I pursued all my other obsessions, I’d be one of the Marlboro Man’s junkie exes that puffed her way into an early grave. Praise God for asthma. My painfully wimpy lungs actually had my back on that one.

So yeah, back to the drunk part. I recently for the umpteenth time in the past 5 or 6 six years, put my self back into a program of recovery. Why? Well because I’m a drunk **duh!**

I never ever really wanted to label myself as an alcoholic or addict even though over the years I have created countless monstrosities in my life and destroyed just about everything in my world as a result of the consequences of alcohol and drug abuse. And pretty much the whole world knew how bad of a trainwreck I was, I was way too ashamed to talk openly about my struggles, partly due to fear of the stigma, and partly because…well, I never really wanted to entirely quit getting fucked up for the whole rest of my life. I simply could not  fathom not being able to go back home to Houston and party with all my old friends (who sadly, I suspect many of them suffer from alcoholism as well), not being able to go to shows and clubs and bars and happy hour and airplane travel…and never have a drink again. I fucking love to drink. I love getting high. It’s not all about masking pain, it’s a lot about all the “pleasure” I could only seem to derive from altering my mind. It was the only way I could socialize, have any degree of identity or confidence, the only way I could unlock what I thought was the “real” me. I love euphoria. Euphoria’s great, especially when the other alternative is feeling like complete shit.

I’ve struggled with depression, attention deficits, massive anxiety and what I now can recognize as bizarre mood swings, ever since I can remember really. The predominent feelings I had as a child were total and complete fear  and worry. At the age of 5, I was already a tiny female Woody Allen struggling to make sense of a world around me that was way too overpowering and intimidating. I was scared of my parents, I was scared of food, I was scared of the weather, I was scared of school and all the horrible foul turdmonsters of kids who laughed and teased me relentlessly because I was soft and pudgy and dressed like Shirley Temple from 1936 transplanted to 1976.  From the moment I walked into LaPetite Academy I was called fatso and blimp. And that was just the beginning of what seemed like endless days and years of being hit, pushed around, pulled off gym equipment and shoved in a corner to be pinned down while gravel was shoved in my mouth. Why? WTF??? I had no clue, I hadn’t even said anything to anyone. To make things worse, I was quite sickly and a pathetically picky eater, and as a result I was constantly either puking or shitting my pants, which of course e

ndeared me to everyone. Even the staff didn’t seem to like me.

Welcome to my little world and enter ginormous social anxieties and appearance issues that have plagued me my whole entire life. From as early back as I can remember, I always remember feeling uncertain if I was cared for or even liked. I doubted anyone I met would be anything other than…well, pretty much mean. It was so weird, so bizarre. I don’t know why I percieved things the way I did but it set the stage for a pretty much sad lonely childhood and freakishly awkward adolescence. Once I experienced the relief alcohol provided from all my troubles, I thought I had literally died and gone to heaven. I had found my Holy Grail.

So this blog I am now going to use to finally once and for all air out all the shit I should have been journaling for the past 35 years, and document on a daily basis step by step the path of my recovery. I really hope not too many people read it, as it is going to get pretty dark and personal, and I’m not ready for evyone in my life to see just how effed up my life really is. Actually I really do, because I hope my stories might help someone else out there that is suffering. You are not alone, little freaks. You are not alone.

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12
May
08

The Fascinating Untold Truth About The Beatles, Manson,Helter Skelter,Roman Polanski and How I Figured Out I’m Rosemary’s Baby

********AUTHOR’S NOTE: I just want it to be known when I found this piece on the Beatles, I thought of it as a hilarious conspiracy theory, a fun and twisted take on linking together these darker bits of pop culture. I don’t believe in, or subscribe to, the content of  the following articles. In my mind, it just made sort of a “news of the weird” thing to laugh at. HA HA HA! See. Just like that. 😀  Thank you!

Yep, that’s ME. Well, at least, that’s how I feel most of the time,lolololololol………. Hey, I was born in 1969, I was adopted…I have 6 toes on each of my cloven feet…

HA! My feet are funky, but not quite to that extent.

So, this is what I read about the Beatles, The Devil, the Manson murders and the Polanski connection. It’s copied from the website http://stargods.org/BeatlesEvil.html.

The Beatles were satanists that had made a pact with the devil, and the bill had to be paid to the coven. Every band that has made a pact with satan has had a member die. Rolling Stones, Led Zeppelin, Beatles, The Who, etc. In an interview with Barbara Walters, Lennon assassin Mark David Chapman clearly demonstrated that he was a satanist. In other words he was an errand boy collecting the payment for satan’s bill.

“Alone in my apartment back in Honolulu, I would strip naked and put on Beatles records and pray to Satan to give me the strength. I prayed for demons to enter my body to give me the power to kill” (cited by Evangelist Richard Ciarrocca, Observations, Dec. 1990).

“In his book, The Ultimate Evil, investigator-author Maury Terry writes that between 1966 and 1967, the Satanic cult, the Process Church, ‘sought to recruit the Beatles.'”

The Beatles’ Sargent Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band album was dedicated to satanist Aleister Crowley. It was released 20 years, nearly to the day, after Crowley’s death in 1947. The title song with the lyrics, “It was twenty years ago today…” On the album cover we see a collection of the Beatles personal heros. Aleister Crowley appears there.

Crowley was born in 1875 and was called the “Great Beast.” He was known to practice ritual child sacrifice regularly, in his role as Satan’s high priest or “Magus.” Crowley died in 1947 due to complications of his huge heroin addiction. Before dying, he succeeded in establishing Satanic covens in many U.S. cities including Hollywood. Kenneth Anger, like Crowley, is a Magus, and appears to be the heir to Crowley. Anger was seventeen years old when Crowley died. In that same year, 1947, Anger was already producing and directing films which, even by today’s standards, reek of pure evil.” – http://www.geocities.com/mmiddleton87/

A key link between the Beatles and the Process Church is Kenneth Anger, a follower of the “founding father” of modern Satanism, Aleister Crowley. Anger, born in 1930, and a child Hollywood movie star, became a devoted disciple of Crowley.

The movie Rosemary’s baby was filmed in the Dakota building were John Lennon was shot to death. It also appears that John Lennon knew the director personally. “The Director of Rosemary’s Baby was Roman Polanski. (At a party in California in 1973, Lennon ‘went berserk, hurling a chair out the window, smashing mirrors, heaving a TV against the wall, and screaming nonsense about film director Roman Polanski being to blame’ – Giuliano)

It’s also interesting to note that when the Beatles went to India to see the Yogi, John Lennon took along Mia Farrow star of the movie Rosemary’s Baby. It would appear that birds of the same occult coven flock together.

Did this nobody Director make a pact with the Hollywood coven in order that he be given a very choice script. So what is the price for fame in the underworld. It is the killing of your baby! This fact is even stressed in the movie. The coven in the movie demand Rosemary’s baby in return for her husband’s success and Hollywood fame.

It was an amazing coincidence that the film had a plot that would be similarly played out a year later – Polanski’s pregnant actress/wife Sharon Tate would be murdered by Charles Manson’s followers.

The murder of his wife appears to be pre-payment for an Academy Award nomination for Polanski’s Best Adapted Screenplay. This movie was a critically-acclaimed and a commercially successful film.

Weeks before Lennon’s death, on his latest album there was a song by Yoko Ono titled Kiss Kiss Kiss. When played backwards one can hear Yoko say, “I shot John Lennon.” This is the same album that John Chapman listened to over and over again! Was Chapman under mind control induced by the album.

Now enter another mind control victim by the name of Charles Manson another santanic bill collector. His followers saw to it that Roman Polanski’s wife was killed along with the baby. In the movie Rosemary’s Baby, it is stressed that there is occult power in babies blood. Could this be the reason why Sharon Tate’s baby was almost taken out of the womb by Susan Aktins Sadie who wanted to cut out the baby, but couldn’t because there hadn’t been time. They wanted to take out the eyes of the people, and squash them against the walls, and cut off their fingers. “We were going to mutilate them, but we didn’t have a chance to.”

Rosemary the main character in the movie, and was to have her baby taken away, had the nickname “Ro.” I wonder what Roman Polanski’s (who in real life had his baby murdered) nick name was? By the way, holly wood is what magicians wands are made from, and stars are the points of light that shine forth Lucifer’s occultist wisdom.

Now that we know Mark Chapman and Manson were receiving messages from albums, let’s take it even further. Remember the Beatles White Album that Charles Manson received his murderous orders from.


Sexy Sadie what have you done
 
The Beatles
 

Lynette “Squeaky” Fromme
 
John Lennon Murder
 
Conclusion
 
Coincidences

Roman Polanski movie,
Knife in the Water 1962

George Harrison attacked by man with knife.

All through the movie Help, Ringo Star is often chased by religious fanatics that are armed with a knife.

Susan Atkins was going to remove Sharon Tates baby with a knife.

Notes and Quotes

Sharon Tate’s unborn baby, killed by the Manson family, was named Paul Richard Polanski.

Theatrical Release: Rosemary’s Baby
June 12 1968

There is no comfort in the coven of the witch Some very clever doctor went and sterilized the bitch And the only man of energy, (Manson) yes the revolution’s pride (Manson) He trained a hundred women just to kill an unborn child.
—Leonard Cohen-
“No Diamonds in the Mine”

Sharon Tate
Date of birth (location)
24 January 1943, Dallas, Texas, USA
Date of death:
9 August 1969,

Note the three 9s in this date. Inverted it becomes 666! The number of Rosemary’s baby.


Rosemary’s Baby

My feeling is that that the Beatles were members of the same Hollywood occult coven that Roman Polanski was. The Movie Rosemary’s Baby was a future template of what was going to happen to Polanski’s wife Sharon Tate. Also the songs recorded by the Beatles seem to indicate that they knew what was going to take place. I believe that songs like Helter Skelter, which Charles Manson felt he got his orders to kill from, were recorded by the Beatles for that express purpose.

As in the movie Rosemary’s Baby, I believe Sharon Tate was manipulated and set up by all the people that she trusted and loved including her own husband. She was the sacrifice to satan for all Polanski’s success. I for one was not fooled by his tears during his interviews.

At some point, Farrow allegedly feared she would be the next victim of the murder spree

1968 excursion to India, and John Lennon of The Beatles wrote ‘Dear Prudence’ (also a song on White Album) for Mia Farrow’s younger sister

Mark Chapman was the name of Lennon’s killer – Winifred Chapman was the maid who had first found the bodies at 10050 Cielo Drive.

And, I also feel that Anton Szandor LaVey, the founder of The Church of Satan – to whom the Family members (especially Susan Atkins)is the leader of the Hollywood Coven.

“HINCKLEY followed as exactly as he possibly could EVERY SINGLE MOVE that Mark David CHAPMAN had made, in the days before CHAPMAN murdered John Lennon.

Even MORE bizarre: at the time of their respective arrests following both shooting incidents, John Hinckley AND Mark David Chapman were each carrying on their person a paperback copy of the J.D. Salinger novel, ’CATCHER IN THE RYE.’ (AS did the MK-Ultra mind-controlled assassin Jerry played by Mel Gibson in the surprisingly revealing movie Conspiracy Theory.)

J.D. Salinger, certainly a gifted author, had SUBSTANTIAL and enduring ties to the U.S. intelligence community; in particular, the CIA. Was the book originally intended to be a mind-control programming tool? It’s hard to say, but not inconceivable.

SO: Hinckley traced Chapman’s footsteps, as it were, in an incredibly eerie AND incredibly REVEALING, scripted tableau; which culminated, as it did with Chapman, in mind-controlled Manchurian Candidate assassin Hinckley shooting his prey on the New York City streets.

Which indeed, brings up yet a FURTHER point. Hinckley FIRST CAME to New York WELL BEFORE his attempt to assassinate Reagan, in order to prepare himself for his assigned role by imitating Chapman’s moves and actions of a few months before.

SO: HOW did Hinckley KNOW, several weeks BEFORE-hand, that Reagan was going to be at the place in New York City were Hinckley would shoot him, AND the DAY and TIME Reagan would be there??

SOMEBODY on the “INSIDE,” who knew Reagan’s schedule some time in advance, positioned Hinckley in New York well before the date of the attempted assassination of Reagan.

Somebody like George BUSH, Sr., maybe? Trying to get a jump on taking over as President? Or, maybe just sending ol’ Ronnie a VERY strong, clear message about who the “boss” really was…
Written by NewsHawk

Recently George Harrison died from cancer. In the murky world of the occult there are many convenient deaths due to cancer. The occult bill collector had already come once in a previous failed attempt to kill Harrison with a knife. I find this rather curios when comparing real life to the Beatle movie called Help. In the movie Ringo is given a ring that makes him the target of a cult which wants to sacrifice him! They continually chase after him with a knife!

SANTA MONICA, December 30, 1999 — Another Beatle victimized by violence.

Ex-Mop Top George Harrison was stabbed at his London-area home today by a knife-wielding intruder, reports say.

Harrison, 56, was stabbed once in the chest before fending off the attacker. His wife, Olivia, suffered minor head injuries in the attack, but did not require hospitalization….The attack, which reportedly took place sometime around 3:30 a.m. London time, was said to have shocked residents of the quiet, upper-class community of Henley-On-Thames. Harrison’s estate was thought to be particularly well guarded. It reportedly featured 24-hour security, patrol dogs and barbed wire fencing. British authorities said they were investigating burglary as a possible motive.

A 33-year-old man — a resident of the Beatles’ own Liverpool — was arrested and booked on suspicion of attempted murder.

Harrison’s stabbing comes 19 years after fellow ex-bandmate John Lennon was shot and killed outside his New York apartment by obsessed fan Mark David Chapman.

By Jim Bartoo, Hollywood.com Staff
Occultists often use so called sacred numbers to bring them power. Sacrifices are often made on the bases of these numbers. Prime sacred numbers are 3, 6, 7, 9, 11. Sacred multiples are 19, 21, 33.

Note the year that Harrison’s attack took place. It was in 1999. Inverted with the number one left out you have 666, the most sacred number of all. He was 56 years old. 5+6= 11 which is a very sacred number. Note too that he is stabbed by a man who just happens to be 33 years old. This too is a very sacred number since it is 3X11. He was also attacked around 3:30 am (33).

Another interesting event was that Prime Minister Chretien of Canada was attacked by a young man with knife too. The man somehow got through the intense home security and found his way in to into the Prime Ministers home late at night. This murder attempt too had failed.

Amazing too is how years later with President Ford in the White House, then Vice President Nelson Rockefeller was just a heartbeat away from becoming leader of the free world. With Rocky as Vice President, if anything should befall Ford at that time, he would instantly become President. Well, time to send in Manson’s followers once again.

One of his followers Lynette “Squeaky” Fromme who steps out in a failed assassination attempt against President Ford. (September 5, 1975) Two weeks later another woman Sara Jane Moore attempts another assassination San Francisco with a handgun. (September 22, 1975)

Squeaky claimed that she did not attempt to kill President Ford, because she never injected a bullet from the handle into the chamber. Was she under mind control? Could she of been programmed just to show up with a gun?

“They’re COMPLETELY ANTI-CHRIST. I mean, I am anti-Christ as well, but they’re so anti-Christ they shock me which isn’t an easy thing.” Derek Taylor, Press Officer for the Beatles

“I believed that he was Satan himself at times” George Martin, Beatles Producer

“Jesus, a garlic-eating, stinking little yellow, greasy fascist bastard catholic Spaniard.” (John Lennon, A Spaniard in the Works, p.14)

“Christianity will go, it will vanish and shrink. I needn’t argue about that. I’m right and will be proved right. You just wait.. . .We’re more powerfull than Jesus ever was..” John Lennon

On the album there is a song called Sexy Sadie. Well it turns out that this was the nickname of Susan Atkins. Now “Sadie Mae Glutz was the alias given to the Family member Susan Atkins by Manson even before the appearance of the White Album song ‘Sexy Sadie!’ –http://www.phinnweb.com/livingroom/rosemary/

It was Sadies testimony in court that brought an end to the Manson family. Now read the lyrics below from the Beatles song Sexy Sadie.

Sexy Sady “White album” Year 1968

Sexy Sadie what have you done
You made a fool of everyone
You made a fool of everyone
Sexy Sadie ooh what have you done.

Sexy Sadie you broke the rules
You layed it down for all (the court) to see
You layed it down for all to see
Sexy Sadie oooh you broke the rules.

One sunny day the world was waiting for a lover
She came along to turn on everyone
Sexy Sadie the greatest (Manson killer)of them all.

(Susan Atkins was a sexual lover of the Manson family)

Sexy Sadie how did you know
The world was waiting just for you
The world was waiting just for you
Sexy Sadie oooh how did you know.

Sexy Sadie you’ll get yours yet
However big you think you are
However big you think you are
Sexy Sadie oooh you’ll get yours yet.

Susan Atkins often bragged and boasted.

We gave her everything we owned just to sit at her table
Just a smile would lighten everything
Sexy Sadie she’s the latest and the greatest of them all.

She made a fool of everyone
Sexy Sadie.

However big you think you are
Sexy Sadie.
Brackets by author.

Another nickname of Susan Atkins was Sadie Mae Glutz

Maggie Mae (Written by Lennon/McCartney/Harrison/Starkey)
Album “Let it be” Year 1970

Oh dirty Maggie Mae they have taken her away
And she never walk down Lime Street any more
Oh the judge he guilty found her
For robbing a homeward bounder
That dirty no good robbin’ Maggie Mae
To the port of Liverpool
They returned me to
Two pounds ten a week, that was my pay.

Beatles “Let It Be” Album
May 8th 1970

Speculation: Could the above lyrics also be a metaphor for black mail?

So why was Sharon Tate chosen to die. My feeling is that Roman Polanski made a pact with the Hollywood coven. This was an exchange for his child so that he be given fame and success. He was a nobody movie director till he was handed a script that would make him an instant success. So why give a major script to a basically unknown director and not a well established director? Why is because of his agreed sacrificial offering that would have to be made in the future. Manson would be the grocery clerk coming for the payment of the bill.

Suasan Atkins Sadie had stated that Sharon Tate had been the last to die because, “She had to watch the others die.” By all accounts, Tate died in excruciating fear and agony. Bugliosi gives Atkins’ account: she was holding Sharon Tate at the time and, “Tex came back and he looked at her and he said, ‘Kill her.” And I killed her… And I just stabbed her and she fell, and I stabbed her again. I don’t know how many times I stabbed her…” Sharon begged for the life of her baby, but Atkins told her, “Shut up. I don’t want to hear it.”

“Before he killed him, Charles “Tex” Watson told Voytek Frykowski: ‘I am the Devil and I am here to do the Devil’s business.’” Months later at the trial, Manson’s “disciples” were said to have been utterly under his power.

04
May
08

More Pics of The Stay Puff Marshmallow Girl

I am not quite sure what I was thinking here when I designed this sassy Thinking Cap. It was my first foray into the world of fashion design. Early on, you can sense the eccentricities of my style, as well as the obvious Red China influence my father had on me. Fierce!

I think I was going for a “Little Red Popette” theme with my look. I wasn’t even Catholic, but somewhere in me, there was a Cardinal!

“Daddy, wake-up! It’s time to take me to chemo!! DADDY!!!!! DADDY!!!!!!!!”

Behold The Stay Puff Marshmallow Girl in all her blinding white glory!

So bald. So white. So chubby. Really, in many ways, I haven’t changed a bit.

29
Apr
08

YAY ALEX!!!!

Yo GO GUUURL!

I know who really loves me. My boo Alex is more than happy to accompany her fatuous maternal unit to the Wild Waves sooper kewl happy times funtastic waterpark. Yay Alex, you just made my day. Now I can put off all thoughts of suicide until at least after the May 31 Big Splash event, it’s gonna be so much fun, with all the innertubes and my favorite Christian recording artists are performing! Yay! I’m gonna go buy my sunscreen and fake tan-in-a-bottle right now!

But before I go, I just want to give a quick shout out and props to my kick-ass baby girl, who just kicked to the curb her dungnugget of a boyfriend and showing him the importance of treating a young lady with the utmost kindness,love and respect, and never to take her wonderfulness for granted. Hopefully he will recognize now that she is gone that he has lost out on a beautiful, charming, dynamic and funnier than hell sugar cookie of a girl. That’s what you get hosehead! Pay attention next time, if you get to be so lucky.

Yay Alex!!! I am so proud of you! You rock my world. 🙂 Keep up the good work, sweets, and I’ll see ya at the Hooks Lagoon activity pool!




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